From time to time, you may find yourself struggling to achieve balance and peace of mind in your day-to-day life. Perhaps your partner is out of town, and you feel unexpectedly anxious in their absence. Or maybe you've just moved in together, and suddenly, sharing personal space and time feels overwhelming.

Often, these emotional imbalances are triggered by attachment traits—deep-seated patterns formed in early relationships—that create fears, worries, and distress in our interactions. If you're unfamiliar with attachment theory, you might not realize how much these traits influence your mental health, as well as your social and romantic lives. We're here to help! Below are six signs that your attachment style might be affecting your peace of mind.

1. A Negative Perspective Takes Over

When something is bothering us, it's easy to feel like the whole world is against us. This tendency is especially true for people with insecure attachment styles. Research shows that individuals with insecure attachment are more likely to perceive others as unfriendly or untrustworthy.

Avoidant attachers often have a more pessimistic view of others compared to themselves, which means they may allocate all the blame to their partner during conflicts, rather than recognizing their own role. Avoidant individuals may also exhibit narcissistic behaviors, such as inflated self-importance or a lack of empathy. Naturally, these attitudes can lead to heightened conflict and diminished peace of mind.

Similarly, people with anxious attachment styles often view themselves and others through a negative lens. When anxieties are triggered, everything—from work stress to minor disagreements—can feel much worse than it actually is.

2. Self-Doubt Creeps In

Those with insecure attachment styles frequently harbor negative perceptions of themselves. This is particularly true for people with an anxious attachment style, who often feel “not good enough.” They crave external approval, leading them to believe that others don’t truly appreciate or value them.

This belief can be tough to manage. It fosters fears that one's partner doesn't genuinely love them, no matter how supportive they are. Even avoidant attachers—who generally maintain a positive self-view—can find themselves doubting their worth when experiencing inner conflict.

In contrast, secure attachers have a healthy sense of self-compassion and are more likely to perceive themselves as valuable, even during turbulent times. This resilience helps them restore their peace of mind more effectively.

3. You Feel Pessimistic, Sad, or Anxious

During periods of insecurity, it’s common to experience sadness, anxiety, and pessimism—especially if you have an insecure attachment style. Anxious attachers often imagine the worst-case scenario, which fuels their feelings of anxiety and depression.

Those with anxious and disorganized attachment styles also tend to experience emotions more intensely than others. This intense emotionality, however, can sometimes lead anxious attachers to openly express their feelings, while disorganized attachers may bottle them up. Avoidant attachers, on the other hand, may numb themselves to their emotions, which can make it even harder to restore emotional equilibrium.

4. You Often Feel Lonely

Emotional distress can easily lead to loneliness, either through actual social isolation or a perceived lack of support. Unfortunately, chronic loneliness often contributes to depression.

Avoidant attachers may experience real social isolation as they push others away and avoid emotional closeness. Anxious attachers, while often surrounded by people, might still feel lonely if they perceive that their loved ones don’t truly support them.

Disorganized attachers—who are often torn between fearing intimacy and fearing abandonment—may also feel intensely lonely, even if they were the ones to withdraw from their loved ones in the first place.

5. Self-Care Becomes a Struggle

When our peace of mind is disturbed, we often stop taking care of ourselves. Secure attachers, who grew up feeling valued, tend to engage in healthy coping mechanisms during times of stress. They exercise, reach out for social support, and maintain good nutrition.

In contrast, people with insecure attachment styles may struggle to cope, often engaging in maladaptive behaviors like bottling up emotions, withdrawing from loved ones, or neglecting their physical health. This lack of self-care can perpetuate the cycle of emotional turmoil.

6. You Turn to Harmful Substances

If you find yourself turning to substances like alcohol or nicotine to cope, your attachment style might be at play. People with insecure attachment styles are more likely to misuse substances as a way to self-soothe during emotional distress.

Avoidant attachers may use substances as a substitute for the social support they actively avoid. On the other hand, while secure attachers may drink socially, they generally avoid substance use as a coping mechanism during emotional lows.

Final Thoughts on Restoring Peace of Mind

Restoring your inner balance when it's shaken by subconscious insecurities can be overwhelming. While understanding these six signs is an important step in recognizing the role your attachment style plays in your well-being, it's just the beginning.

To restore peace of mind, it's crucial to explore your inner world, develop self-awareness, and seek personal growth. Investing in professional support, like therapy, can help target the roots of attachment-related issues and nurture healthier relationships. Remember to be kind to yourself—self-awareness is a journey, not a destination—and a mental health professional is often the best companion to guide you through it.

Taken from an article posted on attachmentproject.com