Anxious attachment is one of the three insecure attachment styles. Often called anxious ambivalent attachment in children, this attachment style starts forming in early childhood, usually because of inconsistent or misattuned parenting. Individuals with anxious attachment frequently experience low self-esteem, a strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and tend to be clingy in their relationships. However, with effort and awareness, people with this attachment style can develop more secure relationships over time.
In this post, we will cover the most common questions about anxious attachment:
How does attachment form in early childhood?
How do children develop insecure attachment styles?
What specifically causes anxious attachment in children?
Which children are at higher risk of developing anxious attachment?
What are relationships like for adults with anxious attachment?
Can anxious attachment be changed?
How can you heal from anxious attachment?
If you're looking for clear answers, read on!
Understanding Attachment Theory
Attachment theory dates back to the 1950s, thanks to psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby. According to Bowlby, a child's early relationship with their caregivers shapes how they approach relationships and social interactions for the rest of their life.
The concept is relatively simple: when a baby is born, their first social connection is usually with their caregivers (most often parents). This bond forms the foundation of how they view social interactions.
If a child is raised in a warm, nurturing environment where caregivers are consistently responsive to their emotional needs, they form a secure attachment. This means the child learns, indirectly, that their emotions and needs are important, and they feel secure, loved, and supported. Ultimately, they also develop trust in others.
On the other hand, if a child perceives that their needs are often ignored or inconsistently met, they cannot develop a secure bond with their caregivers. This results in a distorted view of how relationships work, contributing to an insecure attachment.
There are three types of insecure attachment in adults:
Anxious (also known as Preoccupied)
Avoidant (also known as Dismissive)
Disorganized (also known as Fearful-Avoidant)
What Causes Anxious Attachment in Childhood?
The development of an anxious or preoccupied attachment style (referred to as anxious ambivalent in children) is often associated with inconsistent parenting. Sometimes the parents are supportive and responsive to the child's needs; at other times, they may be emotionally unavailable or unpredictable.
This inconsistency can leave the child confused and uncertain about what to expect from their caregivers. As a result, the child may struggle to form a clear understanding of their relationship with their parents, receiving mixed signals that lead to anxiety.
Another factor that can contribute to anxious attachment is the "emotional hunger" of the caregivers. In this case, the caregivers may seek emotional or physical closeness from the child to satisfy their own emotional needs rather than the child's. These parents may seem overprotective or intrusive, using the child as a means to feel loved or to create the appearance of being the perfect parent.
It's important to note that these behaviors can be automatic patterns that caregivers learned in their own upbringing. Caregivers with anxious attachment styles often pass down these behavioral patterns to their children, continuing the cycle across generations.
Which Children Are at Higher Risk?
Several factors may increase the risk of a child developing anxious attachment:
Inconsistent caregiver responsiveness to a child's emotional needs.
Misattunement and emotional distance, where the parent fails to connect with the child's emotional state.
Preoccupation and intrusiveness in the child’s life, making the child feel overwhelmed.
Additional factors such as physical or psychological abuse and early separation from a caregiver may also pose a risk. However, it is essential to understand that having an insecure attachment style is not a mental disorder. While it may cause distress, it is a common experience, and change is possible.
Symptoms of Anxious Attachment in Adults
Adults with anxious or preoccupied attachment styles often experience low self-esteem while thinking highly of others. They tend to be very attuned to their partners' needs, but often struggle with anxiety over their own worth in the relationship.
Some key characteristics include:
Need for constant reassurance: They need frequent affirmation that they are loved and worthy.
Fear of abandonment: This strong fear can cause jealousy and insecurity, leading to clinginess and preoccupation with the relationship.
Difficulty being alone: People with anxious attachment often have trouble being on their own, feeling emotional dependence on the presence of a partner to feel safe and secure.
Emotional roller-coaster: Relationships can feel both life-saving and life-threatening, creating a cycle of intense emotional ups and downs.
Healing and Changing Your Attachment Style
The good news is that attachment styles can change. Sometimes, change happens naturally. For example, entering a relationship with a securely attached person can promote emotional stability and create a sense of safety, eventually leading to a shift in attachment style.
However, most of the time, change requires conscious effort. You cannot change your past, but you can influence your present.
Key steps to healing include:
Self-awareness: Begin by recognizing your own behaviors in relationships, especially those rooted in anxious attachment.
Reflect on your childhood: Understand how your upbringing influenced your view of relationships and emotions.
Break the cycle: Realize that your past does not define your future. You can break free from old patterns through self-reflection and practice.
For many, working with a therapist is the best path forward. Therapy offers support and a safe space for exploring and understanding these deep-seated patterns. Additionally, attachment repair groups and online courses are available to help facilitate healing.
Regardless of your approach, consistency and effort are key. Whether working on these patterns with a therapist, a friend, or through self-help resources, putting in the work will lead to meaningful change.
Taken from an article posted on attachmentproject.org
Commentaires