Every new year, people around the world make lists of resolutions they'd like to keep—promises to exercise more, learn a new skill, or stick to a healthy routine. This year, why not dedicate a few of these resolutions to building healthier, more balanced, stable, and long-lasting relationships?
As we step into the new year, it's the perfect time to reflect on your relationships with the people in your life:
What aspects of your relationships could be improved?
How can you work towards making your relationships more satisfying?
What can you do to stop undermining your connections?
How can you improve communication between you and your partner?
Is fear holding you back from being your true self?
Your attachment style plays a crucial role in shaping your relationships with friends, family, and partners. A secure attachment style is often linked to healthy, open, and long-lasting bonds, while insecure attachment styles may hinder you from forming the best relationships possible. By understanding your attachment style, you can set meaningful goals to enhance your connections.
To guide you, we've outlined relationship goals based on four attachment styles: anxious/preoccupied, avoidant/dismissive, disorganized, and secure.
Don't know your attachment style yet? Take our free quiz to find out in just 5 minutes!
Anxious Attachers' Goals for Relationships: Focusing on Yourself
If you identify with an anxious attachment style, you may feel insecure in your relationships and be overly critical of yourself. This insecurity can lead to excessive reassurance-seeking and constant worry. This year, try to focus more on yourself and your personal needs.
1. Need Less Outside Validation
Feeling insecure often makes us crave validation from others. However, it's important to realize that not everyone will always acknowledge our value—and that's okay. This year, work on being proud of your achievements without relying on external praise. One great way to do this is by keeping a journal where you track your successes, big or small. Gradually, you'll be able to validate yourself.
Another helpful strategy is to limit social media use, as it often heightens the need for approval and makes us more vulnerable to others' opinions. Studies have shown that people with anxious attachment may use social media to fill an unmet need for validation. If you notice this pattern in yourself, consider reducing your screen time.
2. Don’t Sacrifice Your Needs for Someone Else
Anxious attachers often fear rejection or abandonment, which might lead you to prioritize your partner's needs over your own. While relationships do require compromise, excessive self-sacrifice can be unhealthy and ultimately strain the relationship. Before making a sacrifice, ask yourself: Would my partner do the same for me? Is this sacrifice necessary, or am I avoiding conflict at my own expense? Aim to support your partner without giving up too much of yourself.
Avoidant Attachers' Goals for Relationships: Expressing Feelings
If you have an avoidant attachment style, you may feel you are better off on your own. Independence is a great strength, but close relationships bring immense value to our lives. This year, work on fostering emotional closeness.
1. Be More Open About Your Feelings
You might be used to keeping your emotions to yourself, but sharing your feelings can be incredibly beneficial. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication, which fosters intimacy and reduces stress. Start by sharing more with your partner—even if it feels uncomfortable. The emotional risk is often well worth the reward.
2. Ask for Help When You Need It
You might view asking for help as a sign of weakness, but it’s actually a sign of maturity and trust. Relying on others can deepen your connection with your partner and improve communication. Trust that others won’t judge you for reaching out.
Disorganized Attachers' Goals for Relationships: Overcoming Fear
If you identify with a disorganized attachment style, you may struggle to trust others and fear intimacy, even while craving closeness. This year, focus on building trust and facing your fears.
1. Be More Trusting of Others
Trust is essential for healthy relationships. If you’re not confident in your partner's support, your anxiety might sabotage the relationship. Aim to be more open and honest with your partner, trusting that they’ll be there for you without judgment. Increasing trust can stabilize and strengthen your connection.
2. Don’t Let Fear Stop You from Pursuing Relationships
If you've been hurt in the past, you might avoid deep connections out of fear. Take things slowly, be open to new possibilities, and don’t let your fear sabotage relationships before they even begin. Professional support from a licensed mental health practitioner can help you work through past hurts and embrace the future.
Secure Attachers: Supporting Others
If you have a secure attachment style, you are likely comfortable expressing your feelings, value communication, and feel at ease in relationships. However, even secure attachers can benefit from setting relationship goals. Additionally, you can play a role in supporting friends or partners who struggle with insecure attachment. Learn about their attachment styles, and serve as a positive example—helping them move towards security.
Setting Goals for Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships
We hope these tips inspire you to build healthy, balanced, and long-lasting relationships this year. Working on relationships isn’t always easy, but it's worth the effort. Remember, if you feel you need extra guidance, reaching out to a licensed mental health professional can provide the support you need on your journey to secure attachment and well-being.
Taken from an article posted on attachmentproject.org
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