Heartbreak can be one of the toughest emotional experiences anyone can go through. But how we cope with these moments of pain largely depends on our mindset. A small shift in the way we think can have a profound impact on our well-being—and this is especially true when dealing with a breakup.
In this post, we’re not going to give you quick-fix tips like "hit the gym" or "eat healthy." Instead, we're here to help you transform your mindset for true healing. We’ll share six essential strategies that can help you deal with heartbreak constructively. Plus, at the end of the post, you’ll find 15 self-help resources to dive deeper into your healing journey.
This article is part of our “Heartbroken” series. For more tips, check out our Instagram account and Part II of this series, "How to Get Over Your Ex – 7 Tips to Heal Fast After a Breakup".
1. Don’t Beat Yourself Up for "Not Taking It Well"
One of the first and most important steps toward healing is to simply accept where you are. Breakups are hard, and there’s no “right” way to react to them. You might still love your ex, feel like you’re grieving a deep loss, or even feel shattered—and that’s okay. No one should tell you how you should feel, and you shouldn't judge yourself for having those feelings. There’s no shame in feeling hurt, no matter how long the relationship lasted or what others say.
Remember, you are not alone. Tons of people grieve after a breakup, and the emotional reaction can often resemble the pain of losing someone to death. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without self-criticism.
2. Cultivate Optimism
We know that “being optimistic” can sound like a tall order when your heart feels broken. But regardless of how hard it might feel, cultivating optimism can work wonders for your emotional health. Optimistic people tend to view negative events as specific, temporary, and external. Here’s how you can do that:
Don’t Generalize: This breakup doesn’t mean your relationships never last, that you’ll never find love again, or that you are unworthy. Avoid giving this specific event more power over your self-worth than it deserves.
Remember It’s Temporary: Remind yourself that heartbreak is temporary. There was a time in your life when you thought you’d never feel better after a setback—and yet here you are. Trust that this feeling, too, will pass.
Don’t Take It Personally: Breakups happen for a myriad of reasons, and not all of them are about you. This doesn’t make you a bad person.
3. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness has become a buzzword, but it’s a powerful tool for managing intense emotions. Practicing mindfulness means living in the present moment and facing your thoughts and feelings openly, without judgment. This can help you become less reactive, reduce overthinking, and break old habits that might be holding you back.
Mindfulness Helps You Break Habits: Often, unhealthy coping mechanisms become automatic. Mindfulness can help you break those cycles by making you aware of your actions and their consequences, giving you a chance to choose a healthier path.
4. Work on Raising Your Self-Esteem
Breakups can deliver a big hit to your self-esteem, but it’s crucial to keep it intact. High self-esteem helps protect you from the negative effects of harsh words or rejection. Take criticism for what it’s worth—maybe there are lessons to learn—but don’t internalize every negative comment. Remind yourself of your value and the people who care about you.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
When your heart feels empty, the best way to start healing is by filling it with compassion—for yourself. Practicing self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d extend to a good friend. Avoid judging yourself, soothe your emotions, and remember that it's okay to feel what you're feeling. Self-compassion is a key aspect of self-love and is essential for true healing.
Self-Soothe: Practice comforting yourself when you’re feeling down. Self-soothing can help rebuild the sense of safety and stability that may have been disrupted by the breakup.
Accept Your Emotions: Don’t ignore or over-identify with your feelings—acknowledge them without letting them define you.
6. Never Lose Hope
Hope is one of the most powerful forces that can pull you through times of adversity. When you have hope, you believe in a better future and in your ability to get through tough times. When you’re heartbroken, hope can help you look beyond the current pain and stay focused on the present and future.
Focus on the Future: Eventually, moving on means moving forward. Hope can help you stop ruminating over the past and focus on the present and future.
Positive Self-Talk: People who are hopeful tend to engage in positive self-talk—which is crucial when trying to redefine yourself after a breakup.
Take-Home Message and Self-Help Recommendations
When you’re heartbroken, you need all the resources you can get. In addition to cultivating the right mindset, make sure you’re investing time in activities that bring you joy—whether it's self-care, making your space cozy, or physical activity.
The five psychological factors we discussed (optimism, mindfulness, self-esteem, self-compassion, and hope) have been shown to positively impact well-being after a breakup. Regardless of how optimistic, hopeful, or confident you feel right now, these qualities can be cultivated over time. Start small, and keep moving forward.
If you’re not sure where to begin, check out the 15 self-help resources listed below to guide you through the healing process.
15 Self-Help Resources for Getting Over a Breakup
Optimism
Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman (book)
Positive Affirmations to Clear Negativity and Raise Your Vibration with Lina Grace (video)
Mindfulness
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron (book)
Guided Breathing Meditation with Kim Eng (video)
Self-Compassion
You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero (book)
Self-Love in About 5 Minutes with Brad Yates (video)
Discover More
For more tips on healing from heartbreak, check out Part II of our “Heartbroken” series: "How to Get Over Your Ex – 7 Tips to Heal Fast After a Breakup".
Taken from an article posted on attachmentproject.com
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