An insecure attachment style is characterized by difficulties in relationships and maladaptive beliefs about oneself and others. Typically, these attachment styles form in early childhood based on the caregiver-child bond. Essentially, how a child perceives their needs to be responded to by their caregiver shapes an internal working model of relationships and themselves. This mental representation continues to influence how we understand relationships as we grow into adulthood.
If you're curious about what insecure attachment is, how it develops in childhood, and how it impacts adult life, this post has all the information you need.
Understanding Insecure Attachment
Attachment Theory is a model of socio-emotional development originating from the work of John Bowlby in the 1950s. Bowlby proposed that emotional problems are not solely the result of internal processes but are influenced by how a child interacts with their early environment—particularly their relationship with caregivers. Mary Ainsworth expanded on Bowlby’s model with her work categorizing attachment styles, originally classified as secure, resistant, and avoidant. Later, Mary Main added a new category called disorganized attachment for children who did not fit neatly into existing classifications.
Although attachment theory was first formed in the mid-20th century, the field has continued to expand with ongoing social, neurological, and psychological research.
Types of Insecure Attachment Styles
There are three main types of insecure attachment styles that begin in childhood and can continue into adulthood:
Attachment Style | In Childhood | In Adulthood |
Insecure | Anxious-Ambivalent | Anxious-Preoccupied |
Insecure | Anxious-Avoidant | Avoidant-Dismissive |
Insecure | Disorganized | Fearful-Avoidant |
In general, attachment styles exist on a spectrum:
Secure attachment: Low on avoidance and anxiety.
Anxious attachment: High on anxiety and low on avoidance.
Avoidant attachment: High on avoidance and low on anxiety.
Disorganized attachment: High on both anxiety and avoidance.
How Insecure Attachment Styles Form in Childhood
Attachment styles form during the formative years of childhood, typically within the first 18 months to two years of life. A child forms an internal working model of relationships based on how their caregiver meets their needs, which shapes expectations about themselves and the world.
Secure attachment develops when a child perceives their caregiver as sensitive and attuned to their needs, resulting in feelings of validation, support, and safety.
Insecure attachment develops when a child perceives their needs as being inconsistently met, rejected, or neglected—often in chaotic situations where fear is present. These circumstances lead to specific types of insecure attachment, which we’ll explore further.
Causes of Insecure Attachment
Insecure attachment can develop due to the following conditions during the first few years of life:
Anxious Attachment: The child perceives that their needs are met inconsistently. Sometimes caregivers are responsive, other times they are absent or punitive. This inconsistency leads the child to feel confused and ultimately see their caregivers as unreliable, resulting in emotional outbursts and clingy behaviors.
Avoidant Attachment: The child perceives their needs, especially emotional ones, as being rejected. They develop a sense of self-reliance, distancing themselves emotionally to maintain proximity to their caregiver.
Disorganized Attachment: The child feels fear, often due to chaotic or traumatic situations with their caregiver. This leads to confusing behaviors, as they desire comfort but also fear their caregiver.
Signs of Insecure Attachment in Children
Researchers use experiments like the Strange Situation to identify behaviors associated with insecure attachment styles. Here are common signs for each type:
Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment in Children
Clinginess and hypervigilance towards caregivers.
Distress during separation and resistance upon reunion.
Emotional dysregulation, including outbursts that seem disproportionate to the situation.
Avoidant Attachment in Children
Emotional detachment from caregivers.
Lack of distress during separation and avoidance upon reunion.
Suppression of emotions and premature independence.
Disorganized Attachment in Children
Confusing behaviors like seeking comfort but simultaneously pushing away intimacy.
Emotional dysregulation, aggression, or withdrawal.
Self-soothing behaviors like thumb sucking or rocking.
Attachment Insecurity: Impact on Adult Life and Relationships
Unless strategies are employed to heal attachment wounds from childhood, insecure attachment styles may carry forward into adult relationships. Insecurely attached adults may struggle with:
Low self-worth.
Difficulties trusting others.
Emotion regulation problems.
Maladaptive beliefs about relationships.
Each attachment style manifests in different ways in adulthood, affecting romantic, familial, and even workplace relationships.
Signs of Anxious Attachment in Adulthood
Fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity to rejection.
Emotional dysregulation, such as explosions of anger.
Hypervigilance towards perceived relationship threats.
Signs of Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood
Difficulty with intimacy and emotional vulnerability.
High self-reliance and emotional detachment.
Avoidance or sabotage of relationships when intimacy increases.
Signs of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood
Struggle between a desire for closeness and fear of intimacy.
Push-pull behaviors, often seeking love and then pushing it away.
Inconsistent emotions, alternating between extremes of connection and withdrawal.
How to Heal Insecure Attachment
Though attachment styles are often seen as stable traits, change is possible. With awareness and appropriate strategies, anyone can transition towards an "earned" secure attachment. Here are some effective steps for healing:
Try Therapy: Building a trusting relationship with a mental health professional can help you process past experiences and develop healthier patterns of thought and behavior.
Learn About Your Attachment Style: Reflecting on how your attachment style affects you is essential for growth. Understanding the origins of your beliefs about relationships is the first step toward challenging them.
Challenge Your Beliefs About Relationships: Identify the limiting beliefs stemming from your attachment style and actively work to challenge them. For example, replace thoughts like "If I let someone close, they will hurt me" with more balanced views.
Find an Alternative Support Figure: A close friend, partner, or even a therapist can help model secure attachment, showing you that relationships can be trusting and supportive.
Conclusion
Insecure attachment styles form as a result of early childhood experiences, often carrying forward into adulthood. However, even if you have an insecure attachment style as an adult, it is possible to heal with the right support, awareness, and techniques. Therapy, understanding your attachment style, challenging limiting beliefs, and finding supportive relationships are all ways to help you move towards a more secure attachment.
Attachment is defined as "a lasting connectedness between human beings," but that doesn't mean your attachment style is fixed. While you cannot change your past, you can target your present to build a brighter, healthier future.
Sources:
Ainsworth, M.D., & Bell, S.M. (1970). Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation. Child Development, 41(1), 49-67.
Bowlby, J. (1969/1982). Attachment and Loss, vol. 1: Attachment. London: Hogarth Press/Institute of Psychoanalysis.
Cassidy, J., Jones, J.D., & Shaver, P.R. (2013). Contributions of attachment theory and research: A framework for future research, translation, and policy. Developmental Psychopathology, 25, 1415-1434.
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