by Treena Sather-Head, MSW, LICSW, LMHC
Imagine your inner life as a vast and vibrant garden, a patch of earth uniquely your own. Within this garden, seeds are constantly being planted—some deliberately sown, others scattered by the winds of experience. These seeds represent everything that happens in our lives: moments of love and kindness, instances of pain and hardship, lessons learned, and those pivotal choices we make. They nestle into the soil of our being, taking root and ultimately growing into the plants that shape who we are.
Most of these seeds grow into beautiful, healthy plants. These are the flowers of our truth—our joys, accomplishments, acts of compassion, and the relationships that sustain us. They stand tall in our garden, offering vibrant colors and sweet fragrances, enriching the landscape of our lives. These flourishing plants are the embodiment of our strengths, the beauty that comes from lived experience, and the essence of our growth. They represent the best of us, the truth we embrace as we journey forward.
But not every seed planted in our garden turns into a flourishing flower or a sturdy tree. Some seeds grow into weeds—those invasive, thorny vines that twist and tangle. These weeds represent the emotions of shame, guilt, and regret. They can spread quickly if left unchecked, taking up space and choking the life out of the more delicate, beautiful plants. Shame takes root in the dark corners, wrapping its tendrils around our spirit. Guilt, with its sharp thorns, reminds us constantly of past mistakes, while regret grows thick and stubborn, overshadowing our ability to see the bright blossoms of our successes.
These weeds do not grow because we are flawed or unworthy; they grow simply because that is the nature of a garden—every garden faces its share of unwanted growth. It is important to recognize that the weeds of shame, guilt, and regret are not permanent residents. They can be removed, and their presence can be managed. The key lies in our actions—those mindful efforts we make each day to "do better, be better."
Removing the weeds requires intention. It means getting on our hands and knees, leaning into the discomfort, and carefully digging out the roots of these negative emotions. It is the practice of examining our lives honestly, learning from our past, and making conscious decisions to grow beyond our mistakes. When we engage in "do better, be better" actions, we pull these weeds out at the root, making space for new, healthier growth. This might mean apologizing to someone we have hurt, setting a boundary that honors our well-being, or choosing kindness over judgment—each of these actions is like taking a spade to the earth, loosening the grip of those weeds.
Tending to our garden means not only removing the weeds but also nurturing the plants we wish to thrive. It means watering our truth—fostering self-compassion, practicing gratitude, and celebrating our accomplishments, no matter how small. It means recognizing the beauty that already exists within us and giving it the sunlight it needs to grow. It is about being mindful of what we plant, ensuring that the seeds we sow align with the life we want to live.
As we cultivate our garden, we learn that it is not about achieving perfection. There will always be new weeds trying to take root, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, they will grow. But by consistently tending to our garden—by practicing "do better, be better" behaviors—we ensure that the flowers of our truth have the space, light, and nourishment they need to flourish. And in doing so, we create a garden that reflects our best selves: vibrant, resilient, and ever-growing, a testament to the care and love we invest in our own journey.
The beauty of this garden lies not just in its blossoms, but in the work we put into it. It is in the decision to return to it each day, to nurture it with patience, to pull the weeds when they appear, and to plant seeds that reflect the best of who we are and who we wish to become. It is in this mindful tending that we find our best selves, living our best lives, creating a garden that is uniquely and beautifully our own.
Worksheet: Tending Your Inner Garden
Visualize Your Garden
Take a moment to look at the picture of the garden below. Imagine that this garden represents your inner world. Notice the flowers, the sunlight, and the peaceful bench. This is the garden you cultivate within yourself.
Reflect on Your Garden
1. Identify Your Flowers
What are the beautiful, healthy plants in your garden? List three qualities, achievements, or relationships that you consider your flowers—your sources of strength and joy.
Example: "My kindness towards others," "My ability to keep learning," "My friendship with [Name]."
o Write them here:
1. _____________________________________________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________________________________________
3. _____________________________________________________________________________________
2. Recognize Your Weeds
What are the weeds in your garden? Are there emotions like shame, guilt, or regret that have taken root? List three of these "weeds" that may be crowding out the flowers.
Example: "Regret over past choices," "Guilt about not being perfect," "Shame about asking for help."
o Write them here:
1. _____________________________________________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________________________________________
3. _____________________________________________________________________________________
3. Tend to Your Garden
How can you pull out those weeds? Write down one "do better, be better" action for each weed that will help loosen its hold and make space for healthy growth.
Example: "I will forgive myself for my mistakes and learn from them."
o Write them here:
Weed 1 action: ______________________________________________________________________
Weed 2 action: ______________________________________________________________________
Weed 3 action: ______________________________________________________________________
4. Nourish Your Garden
What can you do to nurture the flowers in your garden? How can you give them the sunlight they need? Write down two actions that will help you nurture the positive aspects of your life.
Example: "Practice gratitude every morning," "Spend time doing things I enjoy."
o Write them here:
1. _____________________________________________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________________________________________
Take a Seat and Reflect
Imagine sitting on the bench in your garden. Feel the warmth of the sunlight on your face and breathe deeply. Think about the work you've done today to tend to your inner garden. How does it feel to know that you are actively caring for yourself?
Write down any thoughts or feelings that come to mind:
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Your Garden Journal
Come back to this worksheet regularly to reassess your garden. The more you tend to it, the more vibrant and beautiful it will become.
Comments