ADHD is often considered a childhood condition, but it persists in adulthood for many. Approximately 5% of adults live with ADHD, and its association with attachment theory offers insightful ways to manage it. Understanding the link between ADHD and insecure attachment styles can help you tailor coping strategies that work best for you.
ADHD is usually recognized in childhood, particularly in formal classroom settings where attention and behavioral challenges become apparent. Getting diagnosed early in life is beneficial, as early intervention helps manage symptoms before they become ingrained. However, many people with ADHD are not diagnosed until adulthood. About 60% of individuals diagnosed with ADHD in childhood carry these symptoms into adulthood, affecting their relationships, work, and overall quality of life.
If you are one of the approximately 5% of adults with ADHD, you might experience challenges with managing thoughts, following directions, and completing tasks, all of which can deeply impact your quality of life. This article explores ADHD coping skills for adults and explains how the connection between attachment styles and ADHD affects these strategies.
Understanding ADHD and Attachment Styles
As discussed in our previous article, What Is ADHD? How Does It Relate to Attachment?, there is a strong association between ADHD and insecure attachment. The presence of one condition often increases the likelihood of the other. However, no two individuals with ADHD or insecure attachment are alike. While some challenges may overlap, each individual has unique circumstances, making a tailored approach to behavioral strategies essential.
If you are struggling with ADHD symptoms and insecure attachment, consulting a healthcare professional for personalized guidance is critical. Professional support can include therapy, medication, or a combination of both.
That said, here are some practical tips that you can implement in your day-to-day life to help manage ADHD while considering insecure attachment styles. These strategies have been broken down into three categories:
Educational Tips
Organizational Strategies
Mood and Emotion Management
Educational Tips
1. Don’t Self-Diagnose
It is important not to self-diagnose. If you suspect that you have ADHD or insecure attachment, seek professional help. Accurate diagnosis is the foundation for creating an effective, personalized treatment plan. The more you understand your challenges, the more effectively you can manage them.
2. Distinguish Between Insecure Attachment and ADHD Traits
Understand which of your traits are related to ADHD versus insecure attachment. This distinction can help you decide where to start making changes. For example, addressing organizational issues related to ADHD may be a quicker win, while working on emotional challenges linked to insecure attachment might take longer.
3. Educate Key People in Your Life
Educating your close friends, family members, and even colleagues about ADHD can make a big difference. Helping them understand your struggles can remove unnecessary pressure from you and help them provide meaningful support. For those dealing with both ADHD and insecure attachment, involving others in your coping strategies can also strengthen your relationships.
4. Listen to Feedback
Adults with ADHD often struggle with self-awareness. Trusted individuals—like partners, close friends, or therapists—can offer valuable perspectives on your behavior. Accepting their feedback can help you identify triggers and find ways to cope more effectively.
5. Consider Joining a Support Group
Joining a support group offers the benefit of connecting with people who truly understand your struggles. Since many people with ADHD also experience insecure attachment, you’re likely to meet others with similar experiences. This can be an invaluable source of emotional support and practical advice.
Organizational Strategies
1. Create a Structured Home Environment
Organization can be overwhelming for those with ADHD and insecure attachment. Start small—tackle one room at a time and focus on creating a plan that works for you. Declutter by categorizing items into "keep," "throw away," and "donate" piles, and take one task at a time.
2. Create a Hierarchy Schedule
Prioritize tasks based on importance and tackle them one by one. This approach not only helps you maintain a sense of control but also boosts your confidence and sense of achievement. If starting with difficult tasks feels daunting, consider beginning with simpler ones to build momentum.
3. Train Your Attention
People with ADHD can focus, but sustaining that focus is often challenging. Whenever possible, get instructions in writing and take notes to stay engaged. If someone is giving verbal directions, repeating the information aloud can reinforce it in your memory.
4. Set Up a Rewarding Environment
Adults with ADHD and insecure attachment often grew up in environments that didn’t reward their strengths. Set up a rewarding space by adding positive affirmations, using color-coded reminders, and organizing areas to reflect your needs and strengths.
5. Break Tasks Into Smaller Components
Big tasks can feel overwhelming. Break them down into smaller, manageable components. This approach not only makes the task seem more feasible but also boosts feelings of accomplishment as each small part is completed.
6. Stay on Top of Finances
Financial management can be difficult for adults with ADHD. Setting reminders, using mobile banking apps, and regularly checking your accounts can help you stay organized and in control.
Mood and Emotion Management
1. Understand That Moods Will Change
ADHD and insecure attachment styles can cause frequent mood shifts. Remember that these feelings are temporary. Practicing mindfulness, meditation, and activities like exercise can help balance out mood swings.
2. Schedule Regular Venting Time
Negative emotions can build up, so scheduling time for activities that help release stress, like exercise or hobbies, is important. Balance this with calm time for activities like reading or meditating.
3. Prepare for the Blues
It’s not uncommon to feel a drop in mood after achieving success. Be prepared for this by creating a list of activities or people that help elevate your mood. Endorphin-boosting activities like exercise can also help.
4. The Health Trio: Diet, Sleep, and Exercise
A consistent diet, sleep routine, and exercise are vital for mood management. Eating balanced meals, getting enough rest, and exercising regularly can significantly improve your emotional well-being.
5. Choose Your Partner with Care
The right partner can make a huge difference for someone managing ADHD and insecure attachment. Choose partners who provide understanding, stability, and emotional support.
6. Practice Self-Kindness
Negative self-talk is common among people with ADHD and insecure attachment. Break this cycle by practicing positive affirmations and finding humor in challenges. Self-kindness can improve how you feel about yourself and help you manage ADHD more effectively.
Final Thoughts
Making small changes in your life to prioritize self-care and manage the symptoms of ADHD and insecure attachment can significantly improve your quality of life. Remember, these self-care strategies are meant to complement—not replace—professional help. Always consult a professional if you’re struggling to cope with your symptoms.
References
Clarke, L., Ungerer, J., Chahoud, K., Johnson, S., & Stiefel, I. (2002). Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is Associated with Attachment Insecurity. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 7(2), 179-198.
NHS. (n.d.). Food colours and hyperactivity. Retrieved from https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/food-colours-and-hyperactivity/
Kissgen, R., & Franke, S. (2016). An attachment research perspective on ADHD. Neuropsychiatry, 30, 63-68.
Kordahji, H., Ben-David, S., & Elkana, O. (2021). Attachment Anxiety Moderates the Association Between ADHD and Psychological Distress. Psychiatric Quarterly, 92, 1711-1724.
Safren, S., Stitch, S., Perlman, C., Otto, M. (2017). Mastering Your Adult ADHD: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Program, Client Workbook. 2nd Edition. Oxford University Press.
Storebø, O. J., Rasmussen, P. D., & Simonsen, E. (2016). Association between insecure attachment and ADHD: environmental mediating factors. Journal of Attention Disorders, 20(2), 187-196.
Taken from an article posted on attachmentproject.org
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