Valentine’s Day anxiety is something many of us struggle with—regardless of whether we’re in a relationship or not. This year, don't let expectations, comparisons, and self-doubt bring you down. Follow these simple tips to prevent getting stressed, worried, or lonely on this love-centric holiday.
Valentine’s Day, that one day of the year dedicated entirely to romantic love, can be a time for intimacy for some, but overwhelming or even awkward for others. Societal and personal expectations can lead us to place high demands on ourselves and our partners, and sometimes it feels impossible to live up to them. This pressure can affect people in relationships as well as single individuals. For singles, Valentine's Day might even feel like a painful reminder that they haven't found their match yet.
Adding to these challenges, an insecure attachment style can heighten Valentine's Day anxiety. You may feel low about not having someone special to celebrate with, or if you are in a relationship, you may worry about how serious you should take this holiday. Does your partner expect a gift? Is the relationship too new for a big gesture? What if you buy the wrong present and ruin a fledgling romance?
This Valentine's Day, let's try to relieve some of that burden by offering a "survival guide" to get through one of the most potentially divisive holidays of the year—whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Valentine’s Day Anxiety Tips for People in Relationships
Being in a relationship on Valentine's Day can be wonderful: it's an opportunity to demonstrate your commitment, rekindle the spark, or repair any lingering arguments. But it can also be stressful, thanks to the expectations around finding the "perfect" gift or making the day extraordinary for your partner. Here are some suggestions to help ease Valentine's Day anxiety for those in relationships:
Don’t Stress Too Much Over Gifts
Gift-giving may seem essential to Valentine's Day—but is it really? For weeks leading up to the holiday, we’re bombarded with advertisements for overpriced or overly saccharine gifts, which can lead to anxiety over what to buy. Too many options can actually lead to mental paralysis and anxiety, and many people feel pressure to spend either too much or not enough [1].
Our advice is simple: don't stress. Instead, chat with your partner about your shared expectations and budget for gifts. Make the day personal for them in meaningful ways. If your budget is tight, consider cooking them a meal instead of dining out, or making a card rather than buying one. A partner who truly cares about you will appreciate the effort, not just the price tag. Remember, the most important gift is often your time and attention. We are often our own harshest critics [2], but your partner likely won’t scrutinize your efforts the way you do.
Don’t Let Comparisons Get You Down
Valentine’s Day anxiety often arises from competition between friends and couples. Social media, advertisements, and even store displays can easily make us feel inferior compared to the "perfect" relationships we see portrayed. This comparison effect is even harder for those with insecure attachment styles, making the day feel like a test they’re bound to fail [3].
Focus on meaningful rituals that are unique to you and your partner. Whether it’s sharing a favorite movie or attending a concert by a musician you both love, make the day about your relationship’s individuality. Don’t let unrealistic comparisons take away from what could be a special occasion. Likewise, try not to put undue pressure on your partner; appreciate that they may express their love in their own way.
Valentine’s Day Anxiety Tips for Singles
Being single on Valentine's Day can be a struggle, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Images of happy couples, advertisements for romance, and sentimental music in every shop can make it feel impossible to escape. However, there are ways to make the day enjoyable, even if you're on your own.
Go Out with Your Friends
If Valentine’s Day is a tough day for you, perhaps because of a recent breakup, spending it alone might not be the best idea. Instead, arrange to see friends. Go on a day trip, have dinner, or take advantage of retail therapy. Many places even offer Valentine's Day discounts, which you don't need a partner to enjoy. Spending time with friends is hugely beneficial for our mental health and well-being, offering both physical and emotional benefits [4]. Friends can bolster our self-confidence and give us a sense of belonging [5].
So on February 14th, celebrate the friendships that bring joy and meaning to your life.
Take a Day for Yourself
Valentine's Day is often portrayed as a day for couples, but why not buck the trend and make it a day dedicated to yourself? Embrace self-care by taking a bubble bath, reading a book, or treating yourself to a meal. If you’re comfortable, enjoy dining out alone—the stigma surrounding this is rapidly disappearing. Rather than focusing on Valentine's Day anxiety, relish your own company. There's no wrong way to practice self-care, whether it’s learning something new, volunteering, or catching up with an old friend. A well-practiced self-care routine can bring immense benefits to your overall mental health, especially after challenging times like the past few years [7].
Avoid Social Media
Social media can often be damaging to our mental health, and this is especially true on Valentine’s Day [8]. Seeing endless posts of lovey-dovey couples can easily lead to FOMO (fear of missing out) and feelings of inadequacy. This year, take a break. Log off for the day and focus on real-life experiences, or simply scroll past the romantic posts if you can't tune out entirely. This Valentine’s Day could also mark the beginning of a healthier relationship with social media—a digital detox that helps you spend less time online and more time nurturing real-world connections.
Take-Home Message: Beating Valentine’s Day Anxiety
Valentine's Day can be a wonderful time of year, but it can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing. This year, try to let go of preconceived expectations and instead enjoy the day for what it should be—a time to celebrate love, in all its forms. If you’re single, dedicate February 14th to yourself. Focus on your strengths, your resilience, and your value as a person. Make it a day of self-celebration and self-care.
Remember, one day doesn’t define your year. Act from the heart and do your best to enjoy Valentine's Day in a way that works best for you.
References
[1] Dar-Nimrod, I., Rawn, C., Lehman, D.R., & Schwartz, B. (2009). The Maximization Paradox: The costs of seeking alternatives. Personality and Individual Differences, 46, 631-635.
[2] Savitsky, K., Epley, N., & Gilovich, T. (2001). Do others judge us as harshly as we think? Overestimating the impact of our failures, shortcomings, and mishaps. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(1), 44–56.
[3] Chopik, W. J., Wardecker, B. M., & Edelstein, R. S. (2014). Be Mine: Attachment avoidance predicts perceptions of relationship functioning on Valentine’s Day. Personality and Individual Differences, 63, 47–52.
[4] Jetten, J., Branscombe, N. R., Haslam, S. A., Haslam, C., et al. (2015). Having a Lot of a Good Thing: Multiple Important Group Memberships as a Source of Self-Esteem. PLOS ONE, 10(5), e0124609.
[5] Fisher, L. B., Overholser, J. C., Ridley, J., Braden, A., & Rosoff, C. (2015). From the Outside Looking In: Sense of Belonging, Depression, and Suicide Risk. Psychiatry, 78(1), 29–41.
[6] Lin, S., Faust, L., Robles-Granda, P., Kajdanowicz, T., & Chawla, N. V. (2019). Social network structure is predictive of health and wellness. PLOS ONE, 14(6), e0217264.
[7] Gavurova, B., Popesko, B., Ivankova, V., & Rigelsky, M. (2022). The Role of Self-Care Activities (SASS-14) in Depression (PHQ-9): Evidence From Slovakia During the COVID-19 Pandemic. Frontiers in Public Health, 9.
[8] Karim, F., Oyewande, A. A., Abdalla, L. F., Chaudhry Ehsanullah, R., & Khan, S. (2020). Social Media Use and Its Connection to Mental Health: A Systematic Review. Cureus, 12(6), e8627.
Taken from an article posted on attachmentproject.org
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