When we think of attachment styles, we often hear about the challenges they present. But did you know that being an adult with an anxious preoccupied attachment style can also come with some unique strengths? In this blog post, we’ll explore both what causes anxious preoccupied attachment and the surprising “superpowers” that those with this attachment style often possess—backed by research, of course!
In this post, we will cover:
A brief introduction to attachment theory
What anxious preoccupied attachment is
What positive psychology is and how it applies here
Superpowers of anxious attachment in the workplace, relationships, and friendships
What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory describes the ways we relate to others in relationships, both personal and professional. Developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1950s, the theory explains that our attachment style is largely shaped by our early relationships with caregivers.
There are four main types of attachment: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
What Is Anxious Preoccupied Attachment?
Anxious preoccupied attachment is a form of insecure attachment, usually resulting from inconsistent parenting during a child’s early years. Caregivers may have been supportive at times but inattentive at others, leading to a sense of unpredictability.
Common Signs of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment in Adults
Deep fear of abandonment
Highly insecure in relationships
Clingy and needy behaviors
Constantly seeking external validation
Worried their partner doesn’t love them
Anxiety about a partner leaving
Adults with anxious attachment often experience an “emotional hunger,” continually seeking validation that they are loved and will not be abandoned. Understanding these traits can be key to managing their impact. However, focusing on the positives—something called positive psychology—can help individuals build on their strengths, improve their relationships, and increase self-esteem.
Positive Psychology and Anxious Attachment
Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life worth living. It encourages us to shift focus from weaknesses to strengths, and this is especially valuable for individuals with an anxious attachment style. While anxious attachment is often portrayed negatively, it's important to recognize that it also brings some amazing qualities that can enrich relationships and environments.
Workplace Superpowers of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
Adults with anxious preoccupied attachment are often natural “sentinels” in their workplaces—the guardians who are hyper-aware of potential challenges. Research by Ein-Dor and Tal (2012) shows that individuals with anxious attachment are often the first to detect threats and raise alarms, saving time, money, and headaches for their teams.
These individuals are enthusiastic about building connections, which makes them highly effective at collaborating, seeking support, and trusting others. They are also hyper-vigilant about their behavior and the impact it has on those around them, which means they’re constantly striving to do their best.
In short, the superpowers anxious employees bring to their workplaces include:
Quickly detecting and alerting others to problems
Openness to teamwork and collaboration
Seeking and trusting in support from colleagues
Dedication to achieving positive outcomes
Conscientiousness and attention to performance quality
Relationship Superpowers of Anxious Attachment
Anxious preoccupied partners are often deeply committed to their relationships. They fall in love easily and tend to hold their partners in high regard, putting a great deal of effort into making their relationships work. When things get tough, they are often the ones who will fight to keep the relationship going.
Individuals with anxious attachment are not afraid of intimacy—they crave it. They tend to be highly attuned to their partner’s needs, which means they can provide emotional or physical support precisely when it’s needed. Despite often struggling with self-esteem, they often see their partners in a positive light and are willing to uplift and promote their partners, helping them see themselves through loving eyes.
The relationship superpowers of anxious attachment include:
Complete devotion to relationships
Falling in love easily and deeply
Willingness to work hard on the relationship
High attunement to a partner’s needs
Supporting partners in seeing themselves positively
Friendship Superpowers of Anxious Attachment
Anxiously attached individuals often crave closeness and connectedness in their friendships. They may even feel a sense of “falling in love” with a new friend, viewing them as exciting and admirable. This makes them very welcoming and accepting of new people, which can help them forge strong friendships.
In friendship groups, they often take on the role of caretaker—they’re the ones people turn to when they need support. They’re also highly motivated to maintain these friendships and keep everyone happy, which can sometimes mean they’re vulnerable to people-pleasing. Despite this, their dedication makes them wonderful, dependable friends.
To sum up, the friendship superpowers of anxious attachment include:
Craving and fostering closeness in friendships
Being friendly and accepting to others
Acting as the caretaker of the group
Working hard to maintain strong friendships
Reflection: Do These Traits Resonate With You?
Attachment styles exist on a spectrum, and everyone may relate to these traits in different ways. If these traits resonate with you, they could point to some of your hidden strengths. And if you’re curious about other attachment styles, feel free to explore our other posts about secure, avoidant, and disorganized attachment superpowers.
References
Frankenhuis, W. E. (2010). Did insecure attachment styles evolve for the benefit of the group? Frontiers in Psychology, 172.
Taken from an article posted on attachmentproject.org
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